You're fake, and you know it.

2010-04-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

By then, I could tell. We sat there in silence, just looking at each other.
It wasn’t an awkward silence, more of the comforting kind. We didn’t say anything out loud, but when I looked at you I was thinking “thank you for making me feel better. You’ve got me believing that the world is not that bad of a place, after all. When I’m with you, I’m happy. When I’m with you, I feel safe.”
By the time I finished making this thought up, you were still looking at me. And although you didn’t say anything, I could hear your voice thinking in my head talking to yourself. Maybe it was just my thoughts. But your voice said: “It would take too much work to make this girl always happy…”
You said out loud: Well, I’ve gotta go. You smiled, you kissed my forehead, and you left, and I was alone again, with my thoughts and yours, potentially, stuck in my head, indefinitely.

XOXO

2010-04-14T20:28:00.002+08:00

You just don't get it, don't see it, do you?
I have my best, i have my worst. And i expect the people i deem closest to my heart to accept that.
Why can't you fucking give in to me sometimes?
You may be losing, but you're hurting my feelings.

Of all the things to ignore, you ignored the part where i told you that i love you.

XOXO

The big O.

2010-03-29T00:29:00.002+08:00

Do you know what i really want right now?
That i would really kill and die for?
That i am sooo fucking hungry for a plate to gobble up right now?

Its the cheese bagels with delightful cream cheese from Starbucks!!
Damnit, i have no idea how i suddenly thought of the lil devils. And its making me so fucking damn hungry right now.
Another second that pasts with me knowing that i can have no fucking bagels right now just makes me want to shoot myself.
Yes, bagels make me fucking scream like a lil girl who got Barbie for christmas any day.

XOXO

I don't mind them chasing me.

2010-03-26T00:18:00.004+08:00

Yoona looks so damn fuggin' hot here. Especially Tae-Yeon and Tiffany.
Kreah girls are soooo hott!
I wanna fuck them all.

I love what Jessica did to her hair! This video makes me like her even more now!!

XOXO

당신의 품이 그립습니다.

2010-03-24T14:26:00.004+08:00

NOM NOM.
Okay, nothing to write about. Just been sick, hate the weather, lovin' chinese songs.

Shall do the impossible today. Study!

我把你紧紧拥入怀里
捧你在我手心
谁叫我真的爱的就是你
在爱的纯净世界
你就是我唯一

XOXO

Wipe the vapour, clear the fog, maybe you would see better.

2010-03-24T01:31:00.003+08:00

Angsty,
irritated,
miserable,
stressed,
worried,
numb,
cold,
tired,
this is so damn depressing.
Yes, wipe the vapour, clear the fog, maybe i'll see better.

Welcome to the list, insomnia.

XOXO

OSF love.

2010-03-24T00:27:00.003+08:00

Ahh.. Just visited Tammy's blog, and guess how fucking hot the new arrivals are!!
It just looks so damn amazing even on a blog post.

And her top in wolves. Awesome, i just know who will like this.

Her backless romper is just so mad hot! Fuck fuck! I'll actually might kill to get my hands on that romper. If i had cash. That is. Heh.
Anyways,
FUCKING HOT!

Eh wait, its still not out yet. STILL GOT CHANCE!

XOXO

Meh = indifference.

2010-03-22T13:17:00.005+08:00

Indifference –noun

1. Lack of interest or concern

2. Unimportance; little or no concern

3. The quality or condition of being indifferent.

4. Mediocre quality; mediocrity.

Here's the day where I need friends, people whatever. But they just aren't there.
But thats fine. Thats okay.
Its just one of those days.
Well, i can do things on my own. Always have, so today should be no different.
Sigh, the horror of the pile of homework. Its killing me.
Heh, also, i learnt a new word from Ahmad. Troglodyte = cavemen.
Heh heh heh. Facebook is kinda cool in an awesome way, if you know what i mean.
Meh.

P.S: Your emails are tearing their way into my heart. And sadness is just lingering at the corner of my eyes. But yes, i still do love you and thats inevitable as your lil girl.

XOXO

Don't deny, you're looking for the sunset.

2010-03-22T04:39:00.004+08:00

Tom: Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.
Summer: I know.
Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.
Summer: And I can't give you that. Nobody can.

So, i changed to having just a single post each time on my blog, but if you wanna read more you know where to go. Hint: Its at numba 4.
I'm still working on my homework. Unbelievable.
I've been thinking, so so much. Well, i always have, so it doesn't blow my brain yet.
Everything and anything, the past and the future, the endless possibilities and the regrets that are a list long. The things that i want to do, and the things that i have to do. I'm a walking paranoia and maybe half an optimist.

Been reading all these stupid redundant statuses on FB lately, how can i not ignore them anyway? Maybe its not my place, but hell people, stop proclaiming that you have changed.
You most definitely have not, if anything at all, that part of you has been there all along just more noticeable now. You're saying as though you love this change of yours, which you probably mean more bitchy, more mean and more of that pms attitude. Come on, like you honestly think that this 'change' of yours means that you have either become more studious, more diligent, more..i don't know, brainy? Or maybe you've just gotten more attention-seeking.
Oh, grow up.
Stop advertising that you've changed, its really lame.

@ 7.06am
I'm really tired, but i can't sleep. Shit man, the medicine is supposed to make me drowsy, tired, but its not working. I'm gonna go try and head back to the sack again.
Shwell, my hands were itchy, now my files all have the same default picture on them.
And i won't know what they look like, especially my pictures till i open them, which is really troublesome. I rather see them in small thumbnails, at least i somewhat know what they are instead of opening so many windows from viewing each of them.
Stupid phone, low battery my ass. I charged you for like 5 hours straight already.
Fuck yer stupid pink bitchy hell of a phone. Go to hell LG.

XOXO

Drops of Jupiter in my hair.

2010-03-22T04:05:00.004+08:00

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere,
I’m afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane.
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land.

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day,
And head back to the milky way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken,
Your best friend always sticking up for you, even when I know you’re wrong.
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone
Conversation,
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me.

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day,
And head back toward the milky way?

Tell me did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded,
And that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star,
One without a permanent scar,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself?

XOXO

2010-03-22T03:12:00.003+08:00

Tom: You know what sucks? Realizing that everything you believe in, is complete utter bullshit. It really sucks. You know, destiny, soul mates, true love, and all that childhood fairytale nonsense. I should have listened to you.

Summer: Well, you know, I guess it's 'cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and... now he's my husband.

Tom: Yeah. And... so?

Summer: So, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be. And... I just kept thinking... Tom was right.

Tom: No.

Summer: Yeah i did. It just wasn't me that you were right about.

-500 days of Summer

Still up on my homework, but taking long breaks in between.
My eyes are up on weed again, seeing that lumps are breaking out here and there.
I feel a fever coming up. Sigh.
Anyway, heres what i found on Urban Dictionary! The Gail's are a bit boring, but check out the definitions of Abigail! In case you're wondering why i'm at Urban Dictionary, its because i'm doing my english comprehension. So cheat a bit.
I'm not in a exam hall, so what the hell. Screw you all that are booing at me.

Abigail

a small thick little whore who thinks her life is better than everybody elses. She has an obsession with hair spray , trying 2 act hard and call babies. (Call babies? I think calling babies are pretty harmless.)
She usually has a mum who is a goldigging bitch who looks like a man and tries 2 be the ring leader of children and teenagers. (Erm, okaaaay.)
Usually short and fat and stubby and is completely mentally retarded (What! That does sounds like me anyway so what the hell.) : if found lock away and throw away the key . (Sho mean.) Is also found with an obese boyfriend who sleeps with other girls and cheats on people.

E.g: Who is that ! Look under your feet ... is it an ant ... is it a dog ... no its an abigail who thinks your boyfriends want her ... kill the bitch. (Fierce!)

Abigail

A super-sweet girl. (Awww!) Extremely gorgeous and tons of fun. When you meet one you will want to be a huge part of her life but you would have to be very lucky for it to happen. (That is just sooo sweet! Hear that people?) An Abigail will stay on your mind forever so you will know when you meet one.

E.g I started dating an Abigail a while back, and she is amazing! (I know right! I'm amazing!)

XOXO

Rare meetings with my furry friend.

2010-03-21T01:12:00.007+08:00

Little blackie has been miaowing a lot lately, especially even when i just let her out for some fresh air.

Here she comes!

I got down from my chair to greet her, and she conveniently takes my now vacant seat.

Naughty girl.

Emerald eyes.
Hee.

Say bye now!
Mriaow! Shes off now to scratch the sofa, but shes really noisy today in particular.

XOXO

Free-falling.

2010-03-21T00:56:00.006+08:00

I rather give my time to someone who appreciates and knows my worth. Because i'm draining myself out for nothing.

Seriously, what have they done for you?
Have they ever done half of the things i do for you?
Don't tell me you know damnit, show me that you do.

With the constant disappointment that keeps coming in, i wonder, if this is the part where i turn my back on hope and just give up.
I've been crazy, i've not been thinking. And i've been selfish, not to anyone but myself.

XOXO

This white flag has reached its mark.

2010-03-21T00:22:00.003+08:00

I don't understand why the fuck do you believe them instead of what i tell you.
Hell, i still do care and love you, but you choose to think otherwise which i can do nothing about. I have gone against the impossible and my own decisions for you, and all that you can talk to me on the phone right now is just death and betrayal?
Fuck, if the other half don't wish to put in their own efforts, i don't give a damn.
I'm sick of feeling what i'm feeling right now.
I'm tired of people misreading and misjudging.
You know what? Do whatever you want, don't trust me, hate me, leave me, just walk away, walk out of the other door. I'm not gonna see that face of yours anymore.
Just know that i'm gone, and you'll never find another person like me.
And i have no fucking regrets when you're gone, because its like another problem solved.

Abigail Kacey Analiese. says:
what other excuses you have left?
thats it?you are just giving yourself reasons to fight with me,

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx says:
its over.

Abigail Kacey Analiese. says:
what the hell.

XOXO

I'm not purring. Read the sign.

2010-03-20T01:24:00.006+08:00

Feeling irritated, like crap, annoyed, tired, and really snappy.
Sarcasm inserts here too.

In other words, preferably left alone.

XOXO

Dreaming.

2010-03-18T13:52:00.003+08:00

Rich i am,
a stranger helped me,
picked me up,
and twirled me around.
Lost i am,
in the midst of crowds,
i found a friend,
i know not where now.
Running past water,
i can't find my way
to the dream that has now past,
but i'm awake again.

XOXO

You're my great big blue.

2010-03-17T18:45:00.006+08:00

Today i thought about her, how i would never be able to get over her.
Something about her big brown eyes, and the curl of her bronzed hair that feels like threads of silk. Her smile, just the colors of gold through my window that sends rainbows out behind every gray cloud after a storm. Shes my wonderful miracle that God made to be slightly taller than me and like the summer breeze i can never get enough of.
She makes me feel alive.

How i would always need her, because love never stops coming when she's around.

Today, darling best friend brought me a lunch box with half of her homemade oreo cheesecake. Like a delirious wild lioness, i pounced on it before i had my lunch. I just had to, because i would hate myself if i let all that goodness melt away.
I miss my best friend oh sooo much, and its been 2 hours since she left.

And aye, my homework's a bitch.

XOXO

Sunshine through my window, thats what you are.

2010-03-14T07:56:00.003+08:00

Your lipstick stains, on the front lobe of my left side brains,
I knew I wouldn't forget ya, and so I went and let you blow my mind.

Your sweet moon-beam, the smell of you in every single dream I dream.
I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided,
Who's one of my kind.

XOXO

Too hot for comfort.

2010-03-12T19:31:00.005+08:00

Are brunettes just fucking hot or what?

I know this one isn't a brune, but she's smokin' hotttt!
No, i'm not telling you where i hunt.

You seem like the type, to love 'em then leave 'em, and disappear right after this song.

XOXO

Signed, sealed, delivered. I'm yours.

2010-03-12T17:35:00.007+08:00

Why do all the gorgeous, good-looking guys have not-so-pretty, crazy girlfriends?
And why do all hot girls have such dull, below satisfactory boyfriends?
This world just cannot get weirder than it can, can it? No, but it is. Tsk, very disapproving.
And, IQ, stands for Intelligence Quotient. Suddenly remembered to google it and wiki it, thanks to my very charming boyfriend.

I'm a sad, gone, lovable nutcase. Oh why, why, why.

Been way too long a time since i wrote nifty iffy random little poems, but i bought my lil yellow notepad, and i'm so proud of my scribblings. So here goes one, don't laugh.

My long bus rides are but for writing,
making sights, sounds, sense out of nothing,
pairing pretty words fit for rhymes,
all just not to think about you.

This thinking leads to nowhere;
ridiculous, redundant,
hundreds of thoughts,
Just so, to waste away this time without you.

I love you daddy, but sometimes i am wary of the patience left in you.
Well, i guess i can't really blame you for that.

XOXO

Beautifully odd.

2010-03-09T23:53:00.007+08:00

I'm not a book to read and be done with, i'm a dictionary with thousands of words to me, unknown. And the end could be everything that you'll ever know.

I think i may have just switched my mind on aiming to being skinny. Cos, skinny is my new hot.
I'm really odd.

Why the hell are there still some fucking ants on my table? I'm gonna squish you all. Damnit.
I don't know what them ants are high on, maybe on the mountain high pile of medication but where the fuck are these little buggers coming from?
Don't make me hunt down your ant hole, you mother fuckers.
I knoww.
I kinda said that i'll pack my room, and do things i said i would do. But when i look at my room, and my bed, all i wanna do is just fall in it.
Argh nuuuu! Red Bull where thou are you?

XOXO

A heart with a fire red.

2010-03-08T22:50:00.007+08:00

That's how much I love you,
That's how much I need you,
And I can't stand you. Must everything you do make me wanna smile?
Can I not like you for awhile?

But you won't let me.
You upset me girl,
And then you kiss my lips,
All of a sudden I forget that I was upset,
Can't remember what you did.

But I hate it, You know exactly what to do,
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long, that's wrong.

But I hate it,
You know exactly how to touch,
So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more, Said I despise that I adore you.

And I hate how much I love you boy, I can't stand how much I need you,
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go,
And I hate that I love you so.

You completely know the power that you have,
The only one makes me laugh.

Said it's not fair, How you take advantage of the fact, That I love you beyond the reason why.
And it just ain't right.

And I hate how much I love you girl,
I can't stand how much I need you.
And I hate how much I love you girl,
But I just can't let you go,
But I hate that I love you so.

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me,
And your kiss won't make me weak,
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me, So you'll probably always have a spell on me.

XOXO

2010-03-08T15:00:00.001+08:00

I don't want to give a flying fuck anymore.
I like myself even more when i don't.

XOXO

Now i'm in pieces, baby fix me.

2010-03-08T02:54:00.005+08:00

Facebooking and looking at hot chicks. They are just soooo damnnn hotttt!
Damndamndamndamndamndamndamnnnn.
Hottt.

Must. Get. Concealer.
And.
Lenses.

WABBITT.
Can't sleep. *pout*
I wonder, what would happen if Barney Stinson and the Mad Hatter met?

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

Cos i can't sleep without you.

XOXO

Happy is when i giggle like a little girl.

2010-03-07T17:33:00.005+08:00

Caught Alice in Wonderland at Midnight!
Because the earlier timings were already full, leaving us 2 seats from the front.
If its one thing, i wouldn't watch a movie if i had sucky seatings because its just not worth it.
Why pay for the giddyness that you're gonna get right?
Anyway its soooo fucking awesome, i tell you! Though it isn't exactly like the cartoon one, i loved the graphics, the colours, the action, Alice, the Mad Hatter, i loved it all!
Johhny Depp was awesomeeeee as usual. He is such a darn good actor!
And plus, i caught it with my special favorite. (:

I had plenty to eat yesterday and i found out about a lot of things too.
Like how Pizza Hut has really good food, the alphabet fries at Secret Recipe was so damn cute, and that Marina Square is kinda awesome.
Oh oh! If you order a Starbucks latte, add a glob of sugar syrup, sprinkle tons of vanilla and a dash of cinnamon, it should taste like heaven. Works for me!
And oh my gosh, Hula & co.! Dresses!

Thank you my dear for the very special awesomely awesome day.

XOXO

2010-03-05T00:00:00.007+08:00

Boots so chio! Argggh! Makes me wanna go shopping!
I wanna go get boots boots! I wanna go do my hair, get my sexybacks, leggings and all that is hot. Far east. <3
Where's my paaaay.

Do not take advantage of me just because you can. Its starting to get on my nerves, like really. Waited for you for about an hour, did you show up? No. Not even a call. Did you even bother to send a text? No. I make time for you because i care. I was not fucking tired for nothing. Why am i even explaining myself to you? You should know better. If you know that you have been fucking your life up, why do you even still want to fuck things up even more? Like our friendship for instance. Do my sacrifices mean so little? Or is it because you don't see it unless someone tells it to you?

XOXO

How do you think i feel?

2010-03-04T16:35:00.007+08:00

=I really don't know what to do right now. Do you?

XOXO

A poem bout you. Not by me, but to you.

2010-03-04T04:02:00.002+08:00

In the autumn on the ground,
between the traffic and the ordinary sounds,
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through.
I watch as lovers pass me by,
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys.
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way, we wanna walk it well.

It's my caution not the cold,
there's no other hand that i would rather hold.
the climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you,
don't keep time, slow the pace.
Honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer now that you're my man.

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name.
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again.
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart.

XOXO

Waking up to brown eyes.

2010-03-04T00:27:00.007+08:00

This is just so disappointing, frustrating, and just really irritating.
Like, why can't you at least call, or message to inform me? You are in need right now, not me. I'm nice enough to tolerate many things, but pretty soon i just might blow up. I feel as though you don't really know how to treat a friend.
Really, a friendship isn't all about having fun all the time. I hope you see what i mean.
And why does every negative status or a post have to be about my boyfriend? None of it has been, and even if i had something negative to say, i wouldn't blog about it... maybe through song lyrics and only through lyrics. Why? Because its personal.
Because its between 2 people.
Unlike some other girlfriends shaking their tail feathers down the street.

I miss my god-siblings.
Chrissy, Flo, Nic,... damn.
I miss people everyday. Especially on long bus rides, and when i'm staring into space.
I even miss my mom, my dad, and as much as i really want to have the time for all of them, i really can't help but be busy sometimes.

POKKA apple tea is less addictive than the peach tea. But i love it anyways. So yum.
My appetite has been really bitchy lately, its totally off cue right now. Like i can get really hungry at night and can eat no shit in the morning or day time.
Been gaining and losing weight, why do males always have high metabolism rate than females?
Then i won't have to worry about what i eat at all, makes life so much simpler.

Okay, so maybe i miss my January self, just maybe.
I miss the solitary and quietness. Being left alone and wanting to be alone was good.
Yeah, i miss that very much.
Now i just care too damn much for my own good. Sucks if you asked me.

Mriaaaow.

Miss the way you love me too much
It's everything about you baby
I want you to know its been hell tryna do this without you here

XOXO

2010-03-01T16:10:00.003+08:00

I need sleep badly. Oh gosh.
FAT FAT FAT.
PIGGGGG.

XOXO

I'll admit it, i was scared to answer love's call.

2010-03-01T00:00:00.010+08:00

I never thought I'd be in love like this
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip

Hate to know i'm crashing don't know how it happened but i know it feels so damn good
Said if i could go back and make it happen faster
don't you know i would baby if i could

You don't know how much it hurts sometimes.
And i can't even remember what was it about now.
This feeling is so annoying.
I can't believe i'm gonna say this but i love you too much.

XOXO

We two step, we groovin'.

2010-02-27T13:07:00.004+08:00

Sleepover at Shari's, YOWZA.

Boy you need to cool down cos I'm wayyy too hot too hot too hottt.
See i'm just trying to cool down cos i'm wayyy too hot too hot too hottt.

Her cookie monster undies from Topshop. CUTE!

The girl of my moment. ♥

Glee, i like. ♥

Vanilla and chocolate cupcakes by Shari are the bomb!
I can freaking nom on those all day long. Can't wait till she does the pink icing for me.
Nom nom nom.

Slept at the awesome hour of 5.
Had fun tweaking her cam, took lots of photos, laughed plenty, but definitely not enough sleep.

Stupid flag day today!
But i got a pink balloon though! Which i had to dump it in the green dustbin after an hour of holding it because my dearest Wendy was really freaked out by it. She has balloon phobia. (;

Having only 2 hours of sleep is really..a hell lot of fun.
But i'm not gonna do it again. I'm feeling so stoned and gone.

XOXO

jong mal dang shin ul sa rang hab ni da. ♥

2010-02-26T00:23:00.002+08:00

Fuck my insecurities.

Have a really bad craving for a bottle of coke. I need my daily sugar intake.
Where are you, oh sweet bottle of wholesome sugar?

씹할, 정말 당신을 사랑합니다. ♥
안녕히 주무십시요.

XOXO

2010-02-25T23:13:00.006+08:00

I just want to cuddle her, hug her, pinch her cheeks, run my fingers through her hair and freaking smother her with kisses. Shes so cuteee!
Ethel! ♥

I hate how i'm always understanding and sacrificing. I hate it that i'm back to pleasing people more instead of myself. Its really difficult to not care, but these are the people that matter to me.
I keep forgetting to pack my room, its always messier an hour later.

Fuck, i'm broke. Aaahh. Where the hell is my pay?

XOXO

♥ Love comes around,

2010-02-25T20:57:00.010+08:00

I wanna rock with you all night,
dance you into the sunlight.♥

She really really likes my bag. And she tried to scratch me when i tried to get her off!

Those are my colour pencils my dear.

Mriaow.

Meanwhile, during Social Studies..

..I doodle! But i do that less often lest i want to have hand cancer in the future.

Chella!

Javier and Leeyang. My bitches! ♥

Will you meet me halfway?
I'll pay half!

Japanese again. Some really awesome yummy lunch.
Sudden craving.
I'm feeling hungwry now.

Hwoar! But it was the lightest bowling ball, soo..not really that much of a macho.
But i'm still strong, can carry 5 kg worth of groceries without a sweat.

♥
Oh right, there was this loser of an uncle complaining about us i think. How we took up so much space that his beloved bowlers didn't have enough lots.
Me and Wendy were heading back to return our shoes, when i overheard him saying "2 pretty girls taking up one lot" which definitely mean Aurea and Fayna since we are pretty much the only all girl group there, so i turned to stare at him.
(I really hate it when people think they can bully kids, especially my girlfriends. I've been hell protective over them since...ages?)
He was grumbling to the manager about how he wants to have every lot. So he was calculating how many lots he must have at least. So he said this, "12 minus 1 is 2 right?"
And i was staring at him for quite a while so he turned and looked at me and asked me the simplest math question ever.
"12 minus 1 is 2 right?"
I looked at him, rolled my eyes and grabbed Wendy by the hand since she was so intrigued by the toy machine and walked off. That uncle is one hell of an ugly bimbo.

Yay! First win!

I sucked at the first game, everyone was like 6-9 points. But, it was 0, 0 for me.

So...the score board for the second round,
Aurea & me vs Fayna & Wendy.

Hahahaha! Fayna pro ah.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE MINE.
Hahahaha! Hands down win!

Fayna vs Aurea! (:
Fayna not pro already. Tsk.
So bowling pins was awessomeee! *Multiple high-fives*
More awesome than i thought. Sho funn.

Every day spent with you is different, special and gone. ♥

XOXO

2010-02-25T20:21:00.002+08:00

I have never been this pissed off since, Sec 3. Since nobody is this immature and childish anymore, but i've been proven wrong.
You a leader of my class, Sir Pothead? Frankly, i doubt you even reached puberty yet jerk. Well, for one, i don't blame you for being such a jackass, i blame it on your ego. You can't help that your ego swallowed your brain whole.
I don't even think you even have a clue when to shut your trap up. You think you can get yourself popular by acting all cheena? Dude, that doesn't even work on me.
Not when you don't have my respect. Thank the stars for only letting me spend a year with your sorry ass in class, i might have ripped off your head a long time ago.

P.S: Giving you a 'fucked' up face clearly shows how fucked up i think you are to not even want to talk to you. Even toddlers can read facial expressions on the faces of their parents. I'm sorry, you're 16? Could have fooled me.
Secondly, calling me a bitch doesn't get you any favor points. Bloody mutt, stop acting cheena.
Get a life.

XOXO

Hungwy,

2010-02-24T07:17:00.003+08:00

I'm gonna go to school early to chomp on food.
I have the sudden cravings for my canteen food. So weird.

Nom nom nom.

Sleep fest later at library. No Amath for me, hahahaha suckers.

XOXO

Its a red string on a white kite in the pink sky.

2010-02-23T00:34:00.003+08:00

I used to think that looking for something never gets you anything, you can be darn patient but then thats that. But when you start to not care about it, it conveniently comes along.
Hope is the killer reason and love is a gamble, making the pair suicidal.
Hope is ambiguous, you know nothing about it because you can't see the future. Faith, is something that gave you a reason to believe in, so its not the same. Hope is a bitch.
Love, is a gamble. You deal the cards, your opponents deal theirs.
If you gamble big, losing is as good as crying everyday for a month. Just because the stupid card wasn't in your hand.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not a pessimist. A girl can never be too pessimistic about love, its like this big huge dream to them.
Its just that love is like a fever many would want on their exam days. And when you don't need it, you're burning at a temperature of 40. It can kill you or make you really happy.
If i could avoid loving someone, i would. Marriage is a waste of attachment and unnecessary commitment.
Men were nothing to me but unfaithful and lying creatures because the ones that i knew all use their dicks as brains. Most still are, except a certain few. My very few.
Boys in particular. I wanted nothing to do with them. They make you fall in love and then when you leave them, they tear you up and turn you into nothing but a few swear words.
I promised my darn self that i was not gonna have a boyfriend till i was 18 or 19.
No attachments, no commitments, no nothing. Because i could live without one.
I said that 6 months back, but well, that didn't happen.

I love you.

XOXO

@!%$#?!

2010-02-22T15:30:00.004+08:00

Its the constant fear of knowing that you might walk out silently like they did.

Cursing and swearing was what i did when Aurea called me at 6.41am.
I have no freaking clue how i ignore my alarms that i set, its only like a minute different from the first. And there were like 6 bloody alarms on my cell.
Remembered my art work last minute so ran upstairs to get it, and i almost missed the bus if i hadn't sprint.
Favorite food stall at the canteen was filled with a line of little boys so, i just didn't eat.
Hated my geog paper, only 2 freaking questions. And thats what i missed out on my sleep for.
Damnit.
Finished my geog paper and slept the 15 mins left, i cannot even remember how i passed up my paper. Slept through recess, the girls were being really noisy and then for some reason i just got out and went to the library to pig.
After about an hour and a half, went back to the damn class and talk shit with Leeyang.
Physics teacher came, and i just slept the moment we greeted her and sat down.
Today was a total bore, but best school sleep ever! Didn't even feel like it was Monday.
Aw fuck, i'm fucking hungry. Stomach is grumbling even.

XOXO

2010-02-20T11:37:00.002+08:00

I'm trying my best to make everyone happy but i'm really bad at it. I was really hoping to make a few changes, but mom just got mad again.
I just wished that we could compromise, at least come to an agreement over something instead of you getting all pissed all the time. Its just not fair for you to say things that are not true.
Having 24 hours in a day is such a bitch. I wish i had a 100 hours.

50 hours will be used up for beauty sleep.

XOXO

2010-02-18T13:49:00.003+08:00

You're wasting time and i don't see you getting all stressed about it. Its only about a month away from it now, and as much as i want to work as a team and help you, you're not letting me.
I'm giving up till an sms or a call comes through.
I know you're tired, but why assume the leading role when you can't?

XOXO

CT is bullshit.

2010-02-18T00:47:00.005+08:00

Okay, okay, i'm just finding reasons to procrastinate again.
Like i always do. And Facebook is best at keeping me away from my studies.

I love school for many reasons,
my fucking awesome table, (keeps me awake during lessons.)
the 2 cool dudes behind me that always distracts me during english,
the girly lunch breaks i have with my gorgeous girlfriends,
and just sooo much more. <3

Thank you 5a2!
For celebrating my birthday reeaallly early.
You know who you are!

Cake was really..lovely but sinful.
Had to eat it during PE, which is really ironic because i'm supposed to be losing the calories.
And not gain them.

This is only my 1st compo, and i'm not fucking done!
I'm so freaking dead, really really dead this time.
I've always managed to live through the common tests, but i might just break the record this time round. I don't want to stay and wait for it to happen.

But i'm really trying to stay awake and mug. God, this is so damn hard.

XOXO

Sorry isn't enough for you anymore, then what is?

2010-02-16T18:23:00.004+08:00

You're just not giving me any room or reason to even talk things out with you. Heck, you call ending the call with me abruptly respect?
I said i was sorry, but you didn't even care. So wait, if someone calls you "aunty" that's respect for you? You said that you called to talk, not to pick a fight.
But you want to know what i really believe?
That all of that was just bullshit, and you're just finding stupid little reasons to fight with me, and then not call me for like...3 months.
Every time we talk, it just ends up into a quarrel.
You're happier, you've changed? Take a mirror and look at yourself again.

XOXO

You have got me caught on this crazy fire.

2010-02-15T22:01:00.002+08:00

This is a complication, a distraction, an annoyance to know that i have gave in,

but its amazing and every little bit of it makes me want more.

XOXO

2010-02-09T19:31:00.000+08:00

Even if death is your wish, give it your best shot.

I won't laugh at you if you fail, i'll just smile and say "Again?"

XOXO

I thought. Yeah, i thought.

2010-02-09T18:21:00.004+08:00

Work here is done.
Haven't you felt before like how you knew you should do something about things but deep down you know nothings gonna change except wish that everything rewinds back to its place and i get a personality change? Its more like knowing that you cannot do anything about it but watch hopes die.
There is something i really want to do right now, but somehow i feel as though this is not the time. Its been nagging at me since December and been on my mind since forever.
And i know sorry does not cut it.
All it takes is one mistake, and in my case, plenty.

XOXO

Wipe the vapour, clear the fog, maybe you would see better.

2010-02-09T00:26:00.002+08:00

For once, just once, i really hope that people actually stop to look and notice details.
Like how i have been paying attention 90% of the time, though not really getting it 50% of the time, and how i've been trying so damn hard to catch up and cope.
I broke down at matrices one day, but i figured it all out on my own within one lesson despite the many visits to the teacher's table days ago, and hearing his impatience in his voice though he tries hard to disguise, just makes me give up on "moral support and what not" and do things on my own instead. Its less complex that relying on people that might disappoint you.
I'm working harder than last year, that i can give credit to myself.
Yet many teachers say that i've been looking dreamy in class. Which is utter bullshit.
Anyway, i hope they know that i've completed almost every single piece of homework, and home or work is the next place i go to after school.

Late nights, with 4 hours of sleep a day, sometimes going with none at all. I'm starting to look like a druggie with premature zits. And assignments on top of school work is no joke.

I've done things i'm not proud of, but never once have i been so proud of myself till now.
Although January has been mostly tears, i do think positively in fractions of time within this 4 walls of stale air and rubber dust.

Back to the damn geog textbook.
Hello tropical rainforest and tropical monsoon rainforest, what are your latitudes again?

XOXO

Queen of hearts painted blue.

2010-02-08T23:21:00.003+08:00

I've realised now that when i look at the core that holds my life together, it is you.
When everything fails me, you took me in and fixed me back together. Be it twilight or sun dawn, you would listened, never impatient.
You are the strength thats never fading, you've always been there for me when i'm whiny and though your patience with me is wearing thin, you would pursed your lips and breathed out a sigh, with eyes that reflects love back at me when i look into it.
And without you, i'm fragments of bitter feelings.
You're my breath of fresh air i need every morning, and last January was just stale air that i had to live with, living me breathless and suffocated.
My egoistic self has gotten better of me, and i'm trying hard to look past every line that i always read in between.
And somehow, i do not know if theses are tears of joy, gratitude or just sadness for what a blind lucky idiot i have been.

가장 친한 친구:
다른사람 필요없어 난 그냥 너라고,
오 난 그 누가 누가 뭐래도 나는 상관 없다고,
너라고.

미안합니다. 사랑해요. ♥

XOXO

Fly me, kite.

2010-02-08T00:46:00.002+08:00

I've got insect bites all over, but its worth it.
I flew a kite as part of my O level's Art question today, and as free and happy for once i felt, i would need to force myself to do it again.
Its just that having to work and study at the same time makes you create an illusion that you haven't got anytime for yourself so you ignore all the small important details.
The simple pleasures and the simply joys.
And for the moment, i am feeling right all over again.

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

XOXO

Desperation is a white flag.

2010-01-31T23:11:00.002+08:00

A few things i would need right now:
Cheese slices/cheese spread,
Fruit loops,
More diet coke.

Oh god, fruit loops! Frruuuit Luups. Omwagaarr~
But shit man, no enough cash.

XOXO

Call if you have the time.

2010-01-30T02:45:00.004+08:00

I remember it once, when you took me to the Arts Museum. And i sincerely loved the moment, because no one did it like you do. I forgot what we did before that, but that was the highlight of my life. Before the curfew, how we rushed, the train ride so long, how you made me laugh.
That juvenile phase of me, the part that you adored, that yet to grew up to regret the things i didn't do.
Because of the stupid comparisons that blinded me.
This is what it cost.

XOXO

Delaying unhappiness.

2010-01-30T00:23:00.003+08:00

I don't blame any either of you, for being in your comfort zone all the time and leaving me to fend for myself. Its not intentional, but sometimes i wish it would just be the other way around.
If you knew my every thought behind every word and every smile, maybe you would know how i feel. But just as much as i want you to know, i do not want to whine like a puppy dog.
I'm sorry for not being there today, yes i lied, i'm sorry for being a coward, for not wanting to look Jealousy in the eye and take it all in like a girl.
I couldn't.

XOXO

Charm me, pretty thing.

2010-01-29T00:37:00.003+08:00

I'm wrecked, tired and 1 meal a day does it easy for me so it seems. Like how was that even able to feed me enough?
Which wasn't part of one of the possible things i could do before. Zing.
And ma made me a whole pack of tiny gingerbread cookies when i went to Basil Alcove just now. Awessum possums!!
A whole pack!
Last she gave me was..2 weeks ago, a tupperware of gingerbread cookies with colorful icing. And i finished them within a day. I am always on a rampage for food, but apparently, i've also found out that i'm not always hungry when i say i am or think i am.
Okay, back to cramming photos for art. Bother bother.

If you want to be rude and disrespect me, well 2 can play at that game.

XOXO

Yoda is brilliant.

2010-01-24T16:18:00.001+08:00

[Luke:] I can’t believe it. [Yoda:] That is why you fail.

Do or do not..there is no try.

Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.

When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not.

XOXO

Donna duck.

2010-01-21T21:57:00.004+08:00

Hey duckie, miss you.
I know you've been sick and all but i bet its because you are skipping school right!
Naughty sugarbear.

I've not been drinking water because i hate it. Hate the clean processed taste. And i'll know what you'll say to me if you were here right now.
Anyway i have to drink it now because i've been unhealthy.
Besides, you my dear, have been neglecting me and i don't know when you will stop playing games with me like this.
Even though i still hold a tiny grudge against you.

Thats all i have to say to you for now.
Love you, miss you, need you.
Toodles my beloved. Get well soon.

P.S: I have double eyelids now! For now, that is. My eyes look different now, pretty. And as much as i do not want to sleep for fear that i will wake up with my eyelids single again. Either left or right, or both if i'm unlucky.
And as always, you'll still say i'm pretty to you.

XOXO

3 years more.

2010-01-21T01:32:00.003+08:00

After years of expensive education,
A car full of books and anticipation,
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot.
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.

Maybe I'll go traveling for a year,
Finding myself, or start a career.
I could work for the poor, though I'm hungry for fame,
We all seem so different but we're just the same.
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat,
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers, who do you trust?
I can't even separate love from lust.
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans.
Working nine to five, answering phones,
But don't make me live for my Friday nights,
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights,
Don't wanna get up, just have a lie in,
Leave me alone, I'm a twentysomething.

Maybe I'll just fall in love,
That could solve it all,
Philosophers say that that's enough,
There surely must be more,
Love ain't the answer, nor is work.
The truth eludes me so much it hurts,
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key,
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me.

But for now let me just say I Love You.
Later on, there will be time for so much more.

XOXO

My sundown.

2010-01-20T12:47:00.002+08:00

I am clearly aware that shes my mother. Now stop telling me that.
I am also feeling the many late negative feelings that i was supposed to have a few years back.
Now shut up and leave me alone for now before i go insane.

Because as much as you are all grown ups, you forgot how it is to be a child.
No buts, you know what i mean.
Because i do.

XOXO

Wish I could.

2010-01-18T22:51:00.005+08:00

I just tried to cook eggs myself, which is a temporary failure. The motivation is from smelling some next door neighbor's golden fried eggs early in the morning. You know how that is torturous right?
I almost did the perfect circle though, except the pan was too small to flip and so was my brave side to even try. Looked like an omelette, but not quite the taste.
I did what Wendy said to do, heat oil first, beat eggs, add pinch of salt with or without pepper, fry. But mine is soo bland!
Not till i added sugar, that is.

"XXXXX XXX January 18 at 10:43pm

when you gg back to stay with your family?"
Truthfully, I don't know. I don't want to, but I know i can't strip away my obligations as being part of the 'family'. I don't know which drives my mom insane most, the fact that i am not living with her or my being together with her everyday.
And i can't tell the difference. Its probably just a few minutes of greetings through the door then kick ass metal music starts playing from every volume possible.
That one possible fraction of love cannot make up for the hurtful or depressing moments that i might have to go through in future. I can wake up for school and live with the appreciated silence till its time to go home. But not on weekends. Where there is more time for chaos to make its move, and have the rest of the day with me because i'm there.
If i could, i would.

XOXO

Sisters needs brothers.

2010-01-18T00:00:00.006+08:00

Its January 17th, and for 17 days my life has been nothing happy or even delightful.
I hardly have got time for myself, if 1-2hours are also counted. Its been art, physics, chemistry and math. Plenty of math. Plus i cried myself in and out for a couple of days, hamster died just 2 days ago, lost almost all faith while at it, also nearly thinking that i have gone insane and no, i am not fine when i am not preoccupied with something. Even if i tell myself a billion times that reassurance cliche script, nothing is fine.
I know deep down, that something is very wrong here.
I see kids running about, holding hands with their moms and dads, flying kites in the open fields with a picnic basket right under the shades of trees. And i cannot help but feel envious.
I know how that feels like, but it never occurred to me that i would miss it one day.
Its just a common question of when can i see it/them again?
There are somethings i have to do, meet the friends that i dearly miss but cannot face, meet the people who took care of me out of love, find a flexible job, talk to my stubborn parents, and just study.

I have never felt so dead before.

XOXO

Do you miss me?

2010-01-17T22:22:00.002+08:00

I do not, for one thing care about your nitty monthly problems that seem so very depressing for you. And how the way you treat your so-called priorities with utter importance when there are actually things that are equally as important to do right now that you have clearly blindly missed, i hate it.
Your pathetic little self-made beliefs like how every problem has a fucking solution or how there is a perfect "one" for each and everyone out there to fall in love with, has made me think I've gone mad to want to befriend you or even know you. Do you actually tell it to yourself everyday? Because I've been hearing it coming out of your mouth every single minute of every other day and quite frankly, I'm sick of it.
You owe so much debt, more than you can pay for and did you really think that you were gonna solve it soon by getting a job? The person that gave you that advice is probably not even alive right now, because her brain just got fried by stupidity.
And why do you care so much more for your friends than your pathetic self? Was it because of all the high school friendships are forever bullshit that they show in America films? Or were you really that naive to even believe that they would stick by you through whatever fuck-ups life may bring you?
You do not even know what independence is, nor half of the word. Because you will forever have to depend, or even be hopelessly pitiful if you carry on like this.
Seriously, I'm so pissed at you that I've got more to say but nothing wants to come out.
What the fuck is wrong here Gail?
Go freaking grow up and stop leaving your mess for people to clear up.

XOXO

I will pay no mind.

2010-01-04T22:57:00.004+08:00

It's really over, you made your stand,
You got me crying, as was your plan.
But when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you.

You take your sweaters,
You take your time,
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymes.
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue,
I'm gonna find another you.

When I was your lover,
No one else would do.
If I'm forced to find another, I hope she looks like you.
Yeah and she's nicer too.

So go on baby,
Make your little get away,
My pride will keep me company,
And you just gave yours all away.
Now I'm gonna dress myself for two,
Once for me and once for someone new,
I'm gonna do somethings you wouldn't let me do.
Oh I'm gonna find another you.

XOXO

P.S: I'm not alone, I wish I was.
Cause then I'd know, I was down because
I couldn't find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.

Building boundaries.

2010-01-03T16:14:00.004+08:00

"If you're an approval addict or a people pleaser like me, I'm writing this especially for you.
You see, I'm a person who didn't like saying no. For the longest time, that word wasn't even in my vocabulary.
For years, I never showed my anger to anyone. After years of smiling even when I was offended, there came a point when i didn't feel anger anymore. I simply shut it out of my life. (Believe me, I thought I was very holy because of this, not realizing I was emotionally a mess deep within.)
I had an approval addiction so powerful it ruled every decision i made.
Why? Because I was desperate for people to like me.
When someone didn't like me, I died within.
I didn't love myself. I had an abysmally low self-worth.
So I tried to please everyone in every way.
I abhorred any kind of conflict.
Oh yes, I was a mess.
And one the ways of making them love me was to always say yes.

So I tolerated all the difficult people and emotional vampires on the planet: control freaks, drama queens, nut cases, "rage-alcoholics", irresponsible jerks, hypersensitive people, possessive parasites. You name the difficult person, I pleased each one of them - just to keep the peace. But the false peace came with a price: I was throwing away my inner peace, my self-respect, my self-worth.
So let me ask you this question: Are there people in your life you should be saying no to? Are there difficult people in your life that have been gate-crashing and running amok in your life?
Remember: You teach people how to teach you.
If that person is abusing you or breaking your boundaries, that means you taught that person that it was okay to do so. You tolerated it. And people will do what you tolerate.
The solution may not be to end the relationship (though sometimes, it is the solution), but to simply say no in specific situations where the person is crossing your boundary lines.
Reclaim yourself.
Don't allow people to trash you.
God loves you. God created you as His child. God wants you to be happy.
Learn to say no."
Word by Bo Sanchez.

I guess i typed it all down for certain people like me, who wants to draw a fine line between allowance and exploitation.
Happy new year everyone.

XOXO

You can keep talking, but i'm walking away.

2010-01-02T14:03:00.006+08:00

Hate people like you, the ones that suck you dry and spit you out. Tear you up and bring you down, the ones who calls you something else other than your own name. The ones that you wish you could say it to their faces but didn't.
The ones who are cool with you at one minute, but doesn't recognise you at the next.
Just where did God find all these miserable souls?

Made new resolutions, wishes and goals.
Made friends, ditched some, left many behind. Gonna make it important to keep a few.
Slept most, ate little.
Been working..,
whats new?

2nd day of 2010 and i'm already lovin' it.
I can tell that its gonna be one hell of a bitchin' year.

XOXO

Its not a fairgame. Never was.

2009-12-29T01:54:00.007+08:00

I'm not gonna 'widen' my bloody circle anymore, because its never a line i would have wanted to cross from the start. I'm comfortable in my own zone, thank you very much.
I could do so much without having problems right now, or even affair issues.
I don't have the time, much less the patience to have the time for people to understand me, vice versa.
Not being able to care is like growing up. Takes hell of a time to get used to it.
If i didn't know you personally, i wouldn't have given a damn. At least i've gone past that stage. But swell, i just wish you and i stuck to being acquaintances.
Because I'm done from having hopes of true friends. I'm done with reading the blogs of people that always leave me disappointed.
Sadly, its just all a pack of lies. Not a pack of - ..nevermind.
Inglorious bastards.

XOXO

Seafood Mee Goreng

2009-12-28T00:51:00.002+08:00

Late christmas at Gran's.

Look a bit perky and round in the face here, must have ate too much at gran's.
And a late Christmas thing with Gwynnie.
Did nothing much for christmas this year, got sick and slept the rest of the day in instead.
Surprisingly, none of the booze.
Did some reading of my new Sec5 textbooks. Which a bit horrifying when i opened up the chemistry and physics textbooks to find that they were almost the same! Except for one or 2 chapters. Which was a really stupid waste of environment, energy and money.
Hubba Bubba.

XOXO

Its not christmas anymore.

2009-12-25T23:52:00.003+08:00

With all the hate, i've tried to love. I'm trying really hard to overcome my own demons with my conscience but you always throw me back to the very spot that i'm trying to climb out of.

XOXO

Going gaga over medlies.

2009-12-21T00:21:00.003+08:00

I want your love and i want your lover's revenge.

Oh gawd. He's soooo awesome.
And hes so drama-rama. Love it!

Are you in the game?
Baby stay with me.

XOXO

A day out with Daddy.

2009-12-20T22:52:00.009+08:00

Rainbow, by Mentos!
It has many different fruity flavors and me likey! Especially watermelon.
And i love the packaging too! Its so boomz.
BUT!

Mentos are such cheaters. Okay, i actually expected/hoped that the shiny second layer of paper to be colourful too. Oh well, total disappointment.

Thank you Akhim.
Isn't his arty skills awesome?
Hes nearly almost there to perfection.

This is just so redundant.
Fail.
Just had to post this up, check out Fail Blog to see more fail.
Anyway...

Yay yay yay. Finally!!

I cannot believe i actually failed my chinese oral, even though i did used a bit of english in my sentences. I thought i charmed my way through by my smiling a lot more when i made a mistake.
Guess not!

Went out with Daddykins to eat at Hans today.
Wanted to eat at some place near Chinatown square or something, but all the pubs/restaurants were closed! Which really sucked.
There was Sushi Tei but daddy doesn't fancy that, so went to Hans.
Food was..all i can say is that Basil Alcove does better than that, at a price thats so worth it.
Not Hans.
Last time that i will ever eat there. Ever.
I love daddy. (:

XOXO

This heart is a stone.

2009-12-20T22:28:00.002+08:00

I think i just met the oldest man in Singapore. Maybe.
You didn't think i asked the fella right? He actually told me his age when i asked him to sit down because he was standing on a moving bus. And he actually refused to!
Hes like 115 this year.

And hes the kindest living soul i've ever met.
He told me when he was 5, he learnt the ways of a Shaolin Monk and thats why he has to stand, to get exercise.
Then i noticed a pile of books on the seat, and one of it was a bible.
So i asked him if he was a catholic too, to which he replied, "I'm an ex-pastor going around the neighbourhood churches to preach and help children."
He looked so fragile and thin yet he was almost practically doing a spilt just trying to balance.
He then told me that he teaches children, poor children in fact. Those who couldn't study or needed help with their homework.
And these poor children didn't have dictionaries which they needed, so he went to pawn his watch so that he could buy it for them.
And if i could have sat on the bus a lil longer, i know for sure this post wouldn't be a short one.

XOXO

Blame it on the alcohol.

2009-12-20T04:11:00.002+08:00

I want to be 4 again.
Running in soaked diapers and getting lost in malls,
always crying till some fool finds me again.
I wanna be 5 again.
When i hated boys and when i always got what i wanted (rarely),
blowing tantrums as and when it seemed fit.
As the year is drawing to an end, one wish still remains.
I wanna be young again.

With no worries about calories,
and when my only ambition was to own a candy store like Willy Wonka's.
I remember secretly indulging in cheap gummy candy from mommy's drawer which always got me into trouble since she knows how to count.

I'm munching on Doritos again, and all i can ever hear with each crunch is "saturated fat, total fat, calorie per chip.."

Lastly,

XOXO

Brown-eyed beauty.

2009-12-19T03:35:00.003+08:00

Clarity; like an eye through a looking glass.

From the special touch of Gwyn Lau's.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pnguin/

You would think my love was really something good.

2009-12-19T00:38:00.002+08:00

Lady Gaga is unbelievably hot here.

When all else fails, look for a miracle.

Was walking and out of the blue something made me look at the sky.
And i just stopped to stare. Nigel quickly snapped pictures while i was in awe.
And the 3 of us just stood in the middle of nowhere staring up at the sky, which made many others look up too.
So pretty!

Pretty pictures fit for a pretty frame.

After all the anxiety and excitement, i'm glad to know that it was sooo worth it.
Mugging through the final 2 weeks with Chrissy, Marcus and Lynnly, who was trying their best to get things through my head was so worth it.
All those long hours of reading things that should have been studied long ago was really really helpful. Shows that 2 weeks of mugging hard can make a difference.
I don't care if people told me that my grades are not good enough, i'm overly satisfied with them. It just feels like all of this is a dream, and that i'm gonna wake up soon. Like i'm walking on air.
I surely hope not.

XOXO

Pooh's looking pretty.

2009-12-18T02:34:00.005+08:00

I miss how i snuggled up against you during the long rides home.
I miss the days where we were on the phone so long, and how i couldn't fall asleep sometimes;
the comfort of your warm hands against my sweaty palms.
You were something i couldn't get enough of and still dearly miss.

Gwi yeo wo yo~
Its the christmas edition of winne the pooh and its darn pretty!
Me likey.

Hammie!
It ran out of its cage again, thank goodness my room door was closed. Or else the cat would have eaten its niffy tiny brains alive.

I can't believe the days that seemed so long passed so quickly! And right before you know it, its the 18th.
Poor hammie is itching again.

XOXO

Ain't no mountain high enough baby.

2009-12-17T05:10:00.006+08:00

Its been a long while since i last saw the glint of your smile.

The good rolling times we had with bitchin' fun,

and our quirky lil grins as we watch people pass us by.

I'd never forget how silly we look,

yet oh so good;

Just like that.

Its not a silly little moment, its not the storm before the calm.

I don't think there isn't a day where i woke up with a purpose. Nor with happiness for a new day before me.
That happiness comes much later than supposed to. And my purpose is starting to be more of a routine than i have expected. I'm starting to hate the few moments i'm living for, partly because i don't really remember the best ones, just more of deep reminders of angst and pain running through my head. Helpless, constant reminders.
I know there's something better on the other side, and i'm so tired of dramas and tragedies, and broken hearts.
It would be a lie to say i've tried my best, although knowing i did try.

XOXO

Dotty.

2009-12-17T04:56:00.005+08:00

Shetz, i have rashes or what seems like rashes all over me.
I don't think i've measles, or dengue fever at least, thank you to the people who suggested those anyway. Sharron even thinks i'm having AIDS. Zing.
I don't even know what the heck i'm allergic to, even.

I'm feeling drastically lousy these few days, and this coming Friday is not making me feel any better or worse for that matter.
I love christmas, don't get me wrong. But right now, i wish for it to past more quickly than ever.
Because all i ever want for this christmas, is for all of us to be back together again.

XOXO

Thank you Lord for quiet nights like these.

2009-12-12T23:36:00.003+08:00

I do not know if i'm ready tomorrow. I might even have to wake up early just to drag myself to Bukit Batok and don't know where.
I can be ready for a roomful of adults with my mouth cramped shut and my mind spinning.
I'll have to halt water works if i can, because pity is not what i'm aiming for.
Self control is just what i need, and i have to remember to pack that in my bag along with my ears and an open mind.

Every thought of mine is complicated and a contradiction, i can't seem to make my own decisions without having to run to someone for advice. I'm so dependent on everyone else's advice that i've stop thinking on my own, till i'm working like a mindless drone.
To be honest, i don't think i've ever made a decision on my own.
Which has got to stop, otherwise i won't know the mistakes i've made till someone else tells me about it. Partly because the decisions i made are entirely impromptu and utterly from someone else's idea. Which explains why i'm so surprised when something goes wrong.
Because i've never thought about the consequences, i've never thought about the possibilities.
The thing is i know i've realized this, but i just haven't found a way to remind myself and change.

I feel like giving up thinking so much sometimes, i'm just running around in circles and i don't even know if i'm right.

XOXO

Stop this train,

2009-12-12T04:23:00.003+08:00

I know that in a few years time, i'm gonna be old, look back on now and realize how impossibly easy this is to understand.
I'm gonna be the one to force my philosophy of life down the throats of the young, and telling them how easy it is to understand 20 years of understanding and learning from making mistakes.
I will not stand to be corrected by those younger than me, because i'll think they know nothing more than me.
Its all a hateful vicious cycle, and i know i will be a part of it.

XOXO

Maybe in time, you'll change your mind.

2009-12-11T14:02:00.003+08:00

This world confuses me, it would be chaos to let people live according to perspectives, but if the law ran the world we might as well do without our brains.
Like seriously, is there even more to life than just money, lust and greed? Than just having daily routines to work, study, eat and sleep?

I know of a couple who lives in Australia that has a dreamy life many of us would have thought about.
The husband loves to cook, while the wife cleans up after his shit, partly because she can't cook for nutters. So the husband wakes up at like 6am for absolutely nothing, makes a mess out of the kitchen, takes his breakfast, then head out to the beach just outside and take a snooze with the salty breeze with the roar of the waves.
While the wife wakes up a lil later and cleans up his mess.
And he tells me that down by the river along the grassy banks, there were plenty of gym equipments and people were just doing their exercises out in the open. Which is absolutely genius.

And in Australia, down by the beach where you can bring your own barbecue pit or use the ones there, cooking fresh oysters and beef steaks is fucking awesome.
And gawd, they are soooo fresh.
I did that once in Perth? Melbourne? But i was like 9 or 10 to even fully enjoy that.
I should really stop typing in the bus, its getting me a headache.

XOXO

See you again.

2009-12-10T14:59:00.003+08:00

Its been helluva tiring week, laptop crashed only after a week which questions LG reliability.
Just went to retrieved this baby from the service centre down by Alexandra Road, and i'm sitting here at Smoochies bistro & bar for about an hour long before taking a dull long ride to work.
And i tell you, the creme brulee is simply heavenly. The price might be a teensy bit burn in your pocket, but its worth it on a hot afternoon like this. The crispy honey top compliments the mild sweet silkiness. Smoochies is also a bit out of the way, like 3 bus stops away from Harbourfront station.
And its only open from 6pm.
Its a secret as to why i'm having this gorgeous creme brulee right now.

Had a chat with a few tourists yesterday at the restaurant till late. 2 from the UK and 1 from Malaysia which happened to sit together over a few beer and refused to leave so the restaurant couldn't close.
I was invited to have a chat with them, and the questions they asked really made me learn a thing or two about myself.
I love waitressing, its not about smelling bad or the many pimples that pop out because make up and oil got mixed into your pores. No, its far beyond that.
You experience a whole lot more than you know, people from across the world share their stories with you, leaving you feeling envious and enlightened.
Its really a love-hate job.
I love how i'm living life for the moment. I've been working almost everyday, so spare moments like having quiet afternoons with frothy cappuccino and creme brulee is a rare gift to me.
Its like seeing you again.

XOXO

2009-11-29T23:22:00.004+08:00

While you were wishing you could be as lucky as me,
I'm wondering what the hell to do.

XOXO

Today is just so BLAH.

2009-11-29T21:21:00.005+08:00

Loving you was probably simple as ABC but i couldn't bring myself to it.
I shouldn't blame you for my lack of maturity because you couldn't help yourself either, it was more of both of us fighting to stay alive.
I remember the best memories of people, but it was a whole lot more tougher to find those with you in it. I'm battling my conscience and heart with reasons, which should not be the case at all, because its you i should be loving with no whys and hows. Haven't you ever doubted yourself and did something about it then let nature takes its course? I have.
I'm sick of all the said lies and excuses, proving them truths are a waste of energy when there are no tiny hints in the least to have hope.
I do not know what to give credit for and what to take pity on from the things you do. Guilt is all I'm feeling, for not doing the simplest things and claiming it so hard just to run away.
How many times have I moved away, and to return to the same old problem that i had hoped would change?
And this is the last. At least till I'm older and more capable of handling little troubles like these. Right now, I'm in a puddle of mud of my own.

XOXO

Sweet nothings.

2009-11-09T15:26:00.003+08:00

Robotic,
lethargic,
and hopelessly sleepy.

This is just so mundane.

An hour more than i have to get my butt up for work.
Which is actually a last minute thing.
What to do? I'm spending more than i can afford to.
I feel like writing poems under the blanket on my bed. And never getting up till i'm suffocated and dead.

XOXO

It's not a phase.

2009-11-07T23:02:00.007+08:00

I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak, I lose all control
Then somethin' takes over me
In a daze, your love's so amazing
It's not a phase
I want you to stay with me, by my side
I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet, it knocks me right off of my feet
Can't explain why your lovin' makes me weak

I feel crappingly lethargic, a cross between wanting to study, wanting to sleep, wanting to work and sleep some more.
They say its freedom after the N levels, but they are so wrong. As they always have been.
I wanted to get into the sun a few days back, but the bitch of the rain is not allowing me too. Its beginning to take on the nature of the PMS.
This is just so strange, i feel i am in love but there's no one that i'm head over heels with.
Puzzlenuzzlesnoggle.
I want to get out and talk to someone that i acquaintantly know, but don't know about.
But unfortunately, the people in my list of contacts are unfavorable and so unreliable.
Its either the pull a stunt on you one day before meeting up, or some excuse like conveniently forgetting about it.
I'm gonna take up something, some way some how. Which is way more reliable.
Shoot, alarm clock just rang at such an unearthly hour.
Blah.
Maybe i'm just in love with the thoughts of being in love.

XOXO

honey, you're just not me.

2009-11-07T18:54:00.001+08:00

I've got a new motivation.

And money is my drive.

XOXO

Dare me, love.

2009-11-02T22:43:00.003+08:00

With midnight eyes, you keep me captivated
like i'm bare right to the bone.
You see me right through,
like words so well written on pages;
many words, limited pages.

Your voice holds me prisoner,
with a breath that is sweeter than air;
it steals me from sleep till dawn
like a common need to feed, to breathe, to love.

I'm stolen, by you.
My words and thoughts have become yours,
like a certain end to my insanity.
Without your presence, i am a soulless breathing corpse,
with no end to my misery,
my paranoia.

XOXO

I'll be your baby tonight.

2009-10-31T21:47:00.006+08:00

XOXO

Brooke Fraser & Ray William Johnson.

2009-10-30T19:41:00.005+08:00

I'm all busy watching vids of youtube.
I'm like part-time youtuber now.

XOXO

1408

2009-10-19T20:22:00.003+08:00

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away.

We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em, while we got the chance to say;
Gotta live like we're dying.

Today i woke up to a sudden phone call from sweet reality, bringing my dreams to a sudden stop.
It wasn't much of a difference except i was a little short of sleep.
My alarm clocks are becoming more ineffective, being part of my dreams instead of waking me;
and so are the efforts to save the earth.
Heat unbearable, the burn of human skin,
it was probably the call of luck that i didn't plan on covering myself under.
I miss having the raw mind of a child, where holidays were like early Christmas presents wrapped with silly and simple joys instead of the constant stress to work for all the many pretty things that are far from the word "free".

XOXO

Aussie-lang.

2009-10-19T04:26:00.003+08:00

I'm lake shoo fuggin hungreey now, i whanna shuuut sumbodeh.
Okay, not sounding anything like an aussie at all.

Ah fuck, i'm just so fucking hungry!!
RAAA!!
Should i eat kaya toast? But i make stale toast which tastes like cardboard, instead of crisp hot toast with melting buttery kaya.

XOXO

My tIcklish armpit.

2009-10-18T17:42:00.009+08:00

Another earthquake just happened recently in Indonesia, making it 2 earthquakes in the past 2 months.
And the north pole ice caps are melting faster too.
This is all just very depressing.

I've just noticed all the underage clubbing ads on FB, which is just so retarded.
Whats the point of clubbing when you are underaged? All you can ever do is just dance (which i'm pretty sure some of you can't.) and get hooked up with some guy that you thought was good looking under the dim lights.
Whats the point?

XOXO

Going down south.

2009-10-17T04:20:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry if i ever let you down, broke your heart, gave you glimmers of hope.
I'm just so fickle-minded myself that i've wondered for at least a kazillion times whether do i really want it at all.
Its not you, it was never anybody i realised. Even though you'll think that you heard it all before, its just me and my never ending 'ifs' and 'buts'.
I'm sorry but i might just have to let you down again.
I'm not some old picture from a frame thats the same forever, i've changed but i know you still think that i'm the same.
But i beg to differ. You're the one who hasn't changed.

XOXO

Drink up the despair that love brings.

2009-10-17T03:31:00.003+08:00

I'm trying to be creative, but the juices are not just flowing out. About my over-sized Britain tee.
I was thinking about using pins to make it not look over-sized.
And i tried tying a knot, but its all coming out wrong.
Since when was i ever on the creative side? How am i not surprised?

There's a lil zit on my back and i'm trying my best not to touch it, lest it leaves a scar.
God gave me hands that have itchy fingers, the kind that likes to pick at scabs, zits, and whatnot.
I should have listened to mom when i was so much younger and when i was falling down a lot. To not pick at my scabs but leave them be. But nooo, and now look at the amount of scars on my knees.
I'm just awfully glad that its not somewhere else, like on the face.

When can i ever run out of things to say?

XOXO

Afternoon suprises.

2009-10-16T17:31:00.003+08:00

I'm gonna go east coast and pig out!
Make the best out of a Friday and have all the good amazing food there.
I'm in a so much better mood than before, now that i've put the angsty side of me to sleep.
And i can't believe i just woke up at 4.45pm since like what? 10am?
I feel just so damn good.
Okay blondie, i'm gonna go change for a pig fest.

XOXO

I'm not gonna thank God its Friday.

2009-10-16T08:20:00.006+08:00

Oh gawd, the kid from hell of the neighbor is not making me feel any better now. Hes rattling gates, banging doors, flinging his toys, making a hell lot of noise and God knows what.
Oh wait, hes playing with his chu-chu now.
You can literally hear it go chugachugachugachuga till it bangs a wall or something.
And hes so excited about it.
He should be made to sleep more. I think thats something worth appreciating more.
There he goes again, banging doors and throwing tantrums.
Is that twerp now throwing metal cutlery or something too?

Anyway, i'm awake on a supposed school day, Bowen should be proud.
That would be unlikely.
I successfully managed to sleep at like 6.30am after all that tossing and turning since 5.30am.
But the however silent noises my mom was making woke me up.
Aargh! And i'm like why oh why did i even bother to say bye to her?!
Not only did she gave me a new curfew, she gave me a 3 minute lecture which gives impossible a whole new meaning.

Hell, the stupid kid is crying.
AND ITS RAINING? AT 8:47am?!
Actually, its perfect timing, i can go to sleep knowing the rain will drain out any irritating anti-sleep sounds. Its days like these where i wish you were here.

XOXO

Good morning, its 5am now.

2009-10-16T04:21:00.001+08:00

I'm suffering from some sort of impulsive disorder (if theres such a thing) for a moment, apparently i don't even remember the name of the disorder because of a mental brain meltdown.
This is what happens to you when you are out of school for less than week. Or maybe more.
I don't fucking keep track of the days or the dates either, and this is just so not a plus when you're away from school.
How is that positive?

You know whats the lamest thing i heard today?
LOL means lump of lard.
I wish i was still 9 to be able to laugh at that. But apparently not.
Has the world ran out of humor already? No wonder people keep saying that the world is about to come to an end.
Maybe i shouldn't even have want to create a blog at this hour if i knew how pessimistic i was going to be. I feel all bitchy right now, maybe its because i feel sleepy but i know i don't.

XOXO